Entire Bowling League Sings Bohemian Rhapsody
“Is this the real life?” wondered Al Horford, 36, who was working off two strikes and had a chance at the mystery pin when the song left him taken aback. “Is this just fantasy?”
“Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality,” his wife, Janet, assented.
“Open your eyes,” suggested Jerry Otto, the Horford’s partner. “Look up to the skies and see.”
Otto then mimed the movement of looking up, and noticed that either the ceiling was spinning and made of gray mush, or he was drunk.
“I’m just a poor boy,” confessed Horford with a trace of self-pity. “I need no sympathy, ‘cause I’m easy come, easy go.”
The song grew in strength as the Pinheads, four tenors, and the opponents of the Horford/Otto team that evening, joined in harmony, offering that any way the wind blew didn’t really matter to them.
But the feeling of good-naturedness was quickly lost as the evening entered an era of murk. There were cries for mothers, accusations of a murder, the appearance of a gun.
“Life had just begun,” soliloquized Edith Vanderham. “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.” Vanderham, 34, and of Pittsfield Township, had recently bought shares of Bear Stearns stock. She added that nothing really matters.
The bowlers soon expressed physical discomfort, complaining of shivers down their spine, of bodies aching all the time. Many wished goodbye, saying their time had come, yet remained in the same spots they were moments ago.
“Sometimes, I wish I’d never been born at all,” Frank Lane confessed. Lane was molested by his uncle as a child and is incapable of achieving an orgasm unless he is in a specific pair of pants and on a bike.
Suddenly, the evening changed gears. Many of the bowlers began to mince about. Then lane manager Jim Crawford cried out, “I see a little silhouette-o of a man!”
“Scaramouche, Scaramouche!” wailed the bowlers. “Will you do the fandango?”
“Send a bolt of lightning!” suggested the Pinheads.
“Very, very frightening!” responded Jerry Otto.
“Mink!” cried Horford, collapsing into his wife’s arms.
Horford was then rushed to the hospital, where it was later declared that Beelzebub the devil was put aside for him.
The Merry Mixers league will be meeting next Saturday from 7 to 9 PM, during which time it is expected that fat bottom girls will make the rockin’ world go ‘round.
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