Engineers Baffled
GSI Speaks Crisp, Clear "English"
Dozens of students in EECS 307 have filed complaints in the last few weeks with the College of Engineering. EECS 307 professor Lenny Thurston has been criticized heavily in recent weeks for employing the very WASPy David Smith as a GSI in his class.
Some students have become so unfamiliar with the near-dead English that they have difficulty understanding the American-born Smith.
"What the hell is he saying?" asks Sean McIntyre, an Engineering junior, "it's not heavily accented with Japanese, Korean, Arabic, Romanian, Russian, or any of the 712 Hindi dialects I've mastered via my engineering classes. Maybe it's Esperanto."
Smith was born in Gaylord, Michigan, and his parents pushed him into speech and debate classes from a young age. He has excellent projection and enunciation, has no lisp, and does not mutter.
"I don't see what the big deal is, really," said Smith with heartbreaking clarity, "I'm not hindering [the protestors] education." Students beg to differ, however, claiming that the sense of accomplishment derived from deciphering the foreign languages, facial ticks, hand motions, and spasms of normal engineering GSIs provides a distraction from the tediously easy coursework.
"I had this one GSI who was deaf and mute," recalls Sara Wilson fondly, "and he only wrote in ancient Sumerian cuniform. Deriving any benefit from his existence was completely impossible, thank God. I mean, organic VLSI and hyper-AI that could create a living, breathing android being just gets so boring without a challenge."
Analysts express concern that the University s overall reputation will suffer. "If word gets out that the University has diverged from its policy of hiring only incoherent GSIs for difficult, technical courses, it will be seen as indication that the undergraduates at Michigan are just not important enough to screw over," says US News & World Report's Jason Sutherland.
A small number of students have demanded the revocation of Thurston's tenure. Thurston has said he has no plans to step down any time soon, and will even continue his oddball practice of using American GSIs. He could not be reached for comment at press time, however.
As for those stuck in Smith s EECS 307 sections, they will just have to endure. McIntyre is trying to look on the bright side, though. "I actually think it's Klingon, which would be so cool. I've always wanted to learn Klingon. Maybe he'll even teach me to use his bat'leth."
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