Congress Orders Moratorium on Blair Witch Parodies

In an emergency meeting of Congress last Friday, Congress passed a bill making the act of parodying the recent hit horror movie The Blair Witch Project illegal.

"Swift, severe action was absolutely necessary," stated California senator Dianne Feinstein. "When this cultural phenomenon swept through the nation during the summer, it seemed harmless enough. I myself saw the film and thought it was clever and inventive. Its crude filming technique and much improvised dialogue made it extremely innovative. However, that was before the parodies began."

Parodies started quickly after the national release of the much-lauded amateur film. "ABC television was the first, using a Blair Witch motif to advertise its network," stated longtime Georgia Senator Strom Thurmond. "Then NBC started using the 'lost in the woods' idea to promote that new Doogie Howser show Stark Raving Mad. Then Conan took it, then Leno and Letterman, then MadTV, then the Cartoon Network with the Scooby-Doo project, then Saturday Night Live did a sketch about not doing a Blair Witch Parody, which was a Blair Witch parody. The insanity must end. THESE ARE NO LONGER FUNNY."

The bill, which has passed both houses unanimously, will now go onto the president, who has indicated that he will sign the bill.

"Stopping the now painfully-unfunny parodies is a non-partisan issue," the President stated during his weekly radio address. "This abuse of power is as important to the future of our children as the environment or that health care reform I never passed. Everyone from professional television shows to college comedy troupes and a cappella groups have parodied this movie-never doing justice to the object it borrowed from. Hopefully, by passing this bill we can push these writers towards newer, more original ideas."

The bill, which was proposed at the beginning of October, is one of the quickest to ever pass through Congress. The bill could have been passed even sooner. However, in the middle of November three congressmen went into downtown Washington to discuss the excessive Blair Witch parodies. They never returned and there bodies where never discovered.

Fortunately, amateur videotape of the congressmen's debate over the issue was found three weeks later. With the aid of these recordings the remainder of Congress came to their weighty decision.

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