Engineering Students Occupy Dorm Room
President Bollinger's already awful semester took a turn for the worse yesterday as University officials announced that two engineering students, freshmen Frank Kinder and Jason Weimer, have been occupying their Bursley Residence Hall dorm room for 4 days and counting.
"Don't these people have any classes?" asked President Bollinger. "We've got yet another thing occupied. Soon we won't have any room for classes." The protest is just another in a string of occupations including a pair of SOLE sit-ins and the SCC's ongoing campaign against Michigamua.
DPS says that the two electrical engineers began their occupation last Thursday evening when LS and A freshman Staci Smith noted the two enter their room after dinner. "I saw them in there at, like, 7pm when I left for a party, and they were like still there when I came back at 2am," she said.
When Smith saw them still within the room as she left for a party on Friday she asked why they hadn't left. "All they would say was like 'Eeks! 280!' or something. I think that's the name of their group. Something big is going to happen Monday, too. They said that's when their, like, 'Program' is due or something. Creepy."
Smith told DPS of the situation when she stumbled home early Monday from a weekend of binge drinking and noted the pair still in their room. "It's like, hey, don't you guys party? Then I realized that they must be, like, a group protesting something."
Monday evening President Bollinger met with the pair in their dorm. "They were still on their computers, but I talked with them. They said that this is a normal weekend pattern and that, if anything, they were protesting the release date of Diablo II being pushed back again."
President Bollinger left immediately thereafter, claiming he had to meet with five other groups also occupying university buildings. "This is really getting excessive," said a frustrated Bollinger. "I can hardly keep all the groups' acronyms straight, let alone what each group is protesting."
Prominent super rich geek and pro-nerd activist Bill Gates had heard of the protest and was flying out to organize a rally for the protesting engineers, but upon arrival, he was informed of the true situation. "It's disappointing, I guess," said Gates. "I even had a cool slogan made up: 'Everyone else is protesting, so buy Windows 2000 or we'll gut your cat'."
Gates also expressed disappointment that he did not have a cool guy with an eye patch follow him around everywhere like Al Sharpton.
When E3W talked with the two engineers about their dorm occupation, they were dismissive. "Occupation?" asked Weimer. "Ha! That's a good one. We engineers are gonna be the only ones WITH occupations after college!"
E3W reporters tried to ask further questions but the engineers had returned to searching for Diablo II information.
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