CBS Announces Celebrity Survivor
NEW YORK, NEW YORK-Hot on the heels of the staggering success of Celebrity 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' and, to a lesser extent, Celebrity Jeopardy!, CBS executives have announced plans to air a celebrity version of their blockbuster show Survivor."We expect Celebrity Survivor to be the biggest show in the history of anything," said CBS vice-president Kevin Edwards. "To keep interest high, celebrities voted off the island will be killed. The deceased celebrities will then be donated to their favorite medical research charities."
Celebrities included on the show include Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, and Justin from N'SYNC. "Never let it be said that CBS never did the public a service," said Edwards.
The show, which is already recorded, will air during the November sweeps period. Viewers can look forward to seeing how celebrities fare outside their natural environments.
"What's the deal with spearing your own food," asked comedian and Celebrity Survivor contestant Jerry Seinfeld. "I mean, you have the spear and you see the food. But can't you order Chinese? And what's with the pilots that flew us in? Can any of them speak English? I mean, come ON."
On a later show, controversy erupts when tribe cook Oprah Winfrey consumes all 15 rats prepared for the Pagong tribal feast. The tribe, already saddled with Christopher Reeves, then loses the alligator obstacle course to the rival Tagi tribe.
"It's just so frustrating," said token gay celebrity Greg Louganis. "With that whole anti-cow thing a few years ago I figured we were safe having her in the food hut? but she didn't even explain herself. All she said was 'tastes like Wendy's.' I haven't been this disappointed since I read Beloved."
Other highlights include a heart-breaking episode in which the Olsen twins must admit that they are not in fact the same person when Mary Kate, badly stung by a jellyfish while playing catch, is forced to leave production and Shaquille O'Neal's loss to Reeves in a climactic free-throw-shooting contest.
Experts believe the injection of star power into the already wildly successful show will only increase its popularity. "People like to watch celebrities," stated University of Virginia psychology professor Alfred Shornsteen. "Whether it's the elegance a star exudes, a character he or she portrays on the screen, or the two perfect, massive, heaving 'love pillows' Jennifer Love Hewitt showcases on her chest-people are always intrigued with celebrity for some reason or another."
In a related announcement, the FOX network will attempt to draw viewers with Celebrity Cops featuring Tommy Lee, Sean Penn, Robert Downey, Jr., and Charlie Sheen, Celebrity Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire with Anna Nicole Smith and When Child Geniuses Attack 4.
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