E! Continues Wild Success with Hard On! Specials

Citing the success of its "Wild On" Specials, Jeffrey Greene, Chairman and CEO of E! Entertainment announced this week that the network will begin a spin-off series called "Hard On!" Greene expects the series to be a huge success due to the nature of its content, which most prominently features "giant women's breasts."

"Our network was founded on just covering fashion and celebrity news," Greene said, "but soon we realized we were missing the key demographic of guys who just want to sit at home and jack off to hot chicks with giant breasts, or 'boobies,' as they're commonly termed. We realized it was time to stop beating around the bush, if you'll pardon the expression. Sure, 'Wild On' had the luscious piece of booty that is Jules Asner. But it also had all that crap about local 'customs' like acupuncture and other non-giant-breast-related material. Thus the need for this exciting new series."

The show, sponsored by the unnamed manufacturer of a petroleum-based product, will not travel to exotic locations as did its predecessor, rather, it will simply air sixty minutes of close-up shots featuring breasts large enough to be mistaken for individual human beings.

When asked if, in light of the recent tragedies, the show's whimsical nature was inappropriate, Greene replied by parading a hard-bodied nineteen year-old riding a pogo stick before the press corps of male reporters. There were no follow up questions.

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