University Hires Tigers Bullpen To Renegotiate GEO Contract

We won't be seeing strikes anytime soon

In an attempt to prevent any further work stoppages, the University Board of Regents voted yesterday 8-1 to hire the Detroit Tigers Bullpen to help with negotiations between the University of Michigan Administration and the Graduate Employee Organization.

"If there's one thing the Tiger organization is known for, it's quick ends to problems. Their season generally ends in mid-August, their games are over by the third inning, and there's never any lines at the concession stands."

When told of the Administration's strategies, the GEO balked at the idea. "I mean come on, are we supposed to run home because they bring in a few hired guns? In the future I'll still go to bat for my beliefs, because that's the only way we'll score a touchdown. Otherwise we'll be called for icing and it'll be a TKO." After several minutes of awkward staring the GEO added, "I'm sorry. I'm more of a lacrosse fan." The GEO was then struck in the head by a 104 mph fastball thrown by Tiger closer Matt Anderson.

"He was crowding the picket line," said Anderson. "I wasn't trying to hit him, but he has to know that the inside part of that line is mine." He then beaned an undergraduate who was nowhere near the strike zone.

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