2Pac Confirms He Is Still Dead

After releasing 97 albums since his "death" in 1996, many people started to believe that slain gangsta rapper Tupac Shakur is in fact still alive. However, at a press conference held yesterday, Shakur insisted the rumor is not true.

"I died in 1996," said Shakur, "and have remained dead ever since. I just happened to have recorded 300 albums worth of songs before I died, songs that aren't very good or else they would have been released already, but for some reason people want to hear them."

Shakur is best known for his work in "Gang Related" with Jim Belushi.

"Some of you may be wondering how I can be here at this press conference if I am dead," continued Shakur. "Well, there is a very simple explanation for this." Shakur then went on to give his explanation, which made perfect sense, and the press conference continued with a guest speaker.

"I too am still dead," announced Aaliyah, "and I also have tons of shitty songs just waiting to be released so my family can make millions of dollars off of my tragic death. Then next year, Tupac and I will release an album of songs we recorded with Left Eye, Kurt Cobain, and JFK Jr., who are also still dead. Really."

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