Women's Basketball Game Produces Moment of Mild Interest
EL PASO, TEXAS--University of Texas-El Paso student Josh Ferrick reported being mildly interested in a women's basketball game he watched sometime last week. The feeling quickly passed, however, and was replaced with the normal sensation of stupefying boredom that normally accompanies the watching of women's basketball and, in general, all athletic competition that involves women in a non-cheerleading capacity.
The moment of mild interest is the first since 2000 and promises a new world of opportunity for unattractive, mostly unskilled women in their attempt to destroy everything men enjoy by replacing it with a cruel mockery. The infamous "condom" provided these crusaders with their first victory, now they believe Ferrick's interest provides another avenue towards their nefarious goals.
Ferrick stumbled upon the women's basketball game after searching desperately for something, anything else. "The men's basketball game I was watching went to commercial," said Ferrick, "and the hockey on ESPN was at intermission. HBO was showing another goddamn movie--Drew Barrymore pregnant and crying. I tried Comedy Central, MTV, VH1, BET, Fox Sports, Food Network, the History Channel... all nothing."
Fortunately for Ferrick, he was able to find the women's basketball game before his withdrawal convulsions became too severe. ESPN2's coverage of the NCAA women's tournament game between Duke and Tennessee momentarily piqued Ferrick's interest.
"I flicked the channel and it sort of looked like this one chick wasn't wearing a bra," he said. "And, though the chick in question was unattractive--like all female athletes, politicians, CEOs, or other non-entertainer successful women--you just don't pass something like that up."
Unfortunately for Ferrick, the braless player was merely an optical illusion that was quickly dispelled. And when the prospect of bouncing disappeared (except for the fundamentally-sound bouncing of the basketball), so did Ferrick's mild interest.
Nonetheless, women's basketball proponents nationwide are celebrating the most attention the sport has received since 2000, when Alex Estrada of White Plains, New York momentarily thought Utah Starzz forward DeLisha Milton and New York Liberty guard Teresa Weatherspoon "were totally going to kiss."
No men's basketball players could be reached for comment, as they were all busy unleashing thunderous dunks, breaking defender's ankles with ridiculous dribbling skills, dramatically winning intensely contested games with off-balance, last-second three-pointers, or fathering dozens of children.
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