Letters to the Editor
If your letter is published, please come down to the UAC office to pick up your free bumper sticker! 4th Floor Michigan Union, please ask Mary.Subject: What the Fuck?
Date: Thu, 14 Dec 2000 21:01:11 -0500 (EST)
From: Joseph James Mrozinski
Hey E3W!
What the fuck gives? In your last issue, the word "fuck" was more sparce than, well nevermind, let me just give you a hand for your next issue. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. fuck. There, that should give you a good start. Don't let me down again. Fuckers.
As eloquent as ever Mr. Mrozinski. However this isn't The Late Show with David Letterman and you're not Madonna. There are many ways to make people laugh, one way involves clever puns, absurd parallels, and well crafted jokes. Another way is to say "Fuck, I shit my pants." We feel we don't need to resort to base swearing to generate laughs.
-Ed.
Subject: the "gay dude" on the back of whatever issue that was
Date: Thu, 7 Dec 2000 23:49:12 -0500 (EST)
From: Patrick Kelley Morgan
i was shocked and not a little alarmed when i read mike phillips' rhetorically masterful letter to the editor (last issue) [http://www.umich.edu/~uac/threeweeks/issues/vol2/issue2.pdf] in which he noted that not only did i look gay in the hamlet poster, but "so gay". i suppose i could handle looking " a little bit" gay or "somewhat gay" or maybe even just plain "gay", but this level of gayness is (as I am told by various "rather gay" sources) quite rare. it is all the stranger, then, that this echelon of homosexual seeming has been attained by a straight man. mike phillips can rest assured that in an effort to look "less gay" i will get a haircut like him and no longer wear shiny black ass pants. I am also certain that the rude mechanicals will, in the future, make every effort to ensure that their posters are "less gay". It's the least we can do, dude. [Links courtesy of webmaster]
patrick morgan
We all know how difficult is to look straight in shiny black ass pants. Well, some of us do, not any of us, of course, because we're not gay, seriously, I mean and we're not defensive about it at all. Seriously. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
-Ed.
Subject: 600 Fucking Words
Date: Tue, 5 Dec 2000 18:15:40 -0600
From: "Kevin Geary"
Could you forward me the 600 word rant from that reader? And what's up with cancer, I mean come on.
From: Lee Russell Sigman
Hey, my roommate is good friends with Adam Saltsman, so we were looking to get that election/jello email so that we can rip on him, so forward it to me if you could. Thanks.
Subject: Adam Saltsman
From: "Adrian Leskiw"
I wanna read the whole 600 fucking words. Send it to me!
Um?right, so in issue 4 we printed a letter from someone and we had to cut out 600 words of his inane rambling and as a joke, told people if they requested the entire letter, we'd send them it. Turns out three people did ask. Wow.
-Ed.
Subject: GRUNDEL!!!
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2000 00:21:16 -0500 (EST)
From: Oliver Phillip Stauffer
Dear E3W,
I thouroughly enjoyed your article about "Grundel". Although I am not Asian, how do I get in on this kick-ass holiday? I'm completely in favor of playing pool and participating in low impact martial arts, but what about drinking games? Add the beer, get rid of the intense violin practice session and call me Asian. Nothing like extra presents. Thanks for giving us all another holiday to celebrate.
Sincerely, Oliver
PS- Ten bucks says that both Dana Carvey and Garret Morris don't die in 2001.
Thanks for enjoying Grundel. As for "getting in" on the holiday, it's kinda hard-not being Asian and all. It's like a Christian trying to enjoy Chanukah, expecting guests at a Jewish Easter Feast, or a linguistics major enjoying the beauty of quadratic reciprocity. There are some things that are deep within us like who we are. Grundel isn't about the pool and the martial arts-to quote Fred Durst, it's about "the fortune cookie"?um?yeah, okay.
-Ed.
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