one hundred and eleven years of I think it's part of a camera

10 Die in British Riot Following Charity Football Match

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LONDON, ENGLAND-The BBC reported this morning that 10 people are confirmed dead and 23 victims are still in critical condition after riots broke out at approximately 9:34 pm GMT yesterday following a charity football (soccer) game at Wembly Stadium.

The event, which featured the Tottenham Hotspurs facing an array of British celebrities including Anthony Hopkins, Hugh Grant, and Michael Caine, was intended to raise money for the British Multiple Sclerosis foundation and Bread for the World.

The game day atmosphere seemed to be a cheerful one, as both the players and celebrities often smiled and joked on the field. The net minders weren't trying their hardest, since every goal that was scored meant another 10,000£ to either Bread for the World or the MS foundation. Both organizations had even brought in a number of starving children and MS sufferers to remind everyone who they were playing for.

However, when the 90th minute passed and play went into extra time with the score tied at 12, the devoted football fans became tense. A red card issued to Grant for apparently soliciting a trip sparked a round of hooliganism, as fans pelted the field with programs, dead batteries, and the bronze Alec Guinness memorial statuettes they received upon entrance.

The mob managed to burst through the gates preventing access to the field and surged (or limped weakly, if starving, or wheeled, if crippled) towards the players.

"It was right awful," said Caine, who jumped into the melee and killed four starving children with a folding chair. "We were nearly killed after being chased by a violent mob. I felt like royalty."

Many wondered why the coppers didn't immediately attempt to control the hullabaloo. An officer on scene at the time explained, "Those blokes were so cabbaged, a few of 'em were throwing insults my way and I had to shut their gobs."

As the chaos spread to the streets, the scene became even more dramatic. MS supporters set upon reporters and bystanders with knives, Billy clubs, and crutches ripped from the hands of MS sufferers. Meanwhile, bobbies and firefighters surrounded a smoldering bakery, desperately trying to contain a blaze thought to be started by Bread volunteers.

Initial insurance reports place the estimate of damage at around 150,000£, apart from the physical harm and hospital bills, hundreds of stadium lifts, lorries, and hundreds of gallons of petrol used to set the city on fire.

Andrew Duncan, a bangers and mash vendor at the stadium for the past 23 years, said that the riots were the worst since a group of soccer moms ravaged London's Trafalgar Square following the 1996 Nursery Championships. "It was bloody awful," he said. "Bloody flippin' awful."


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