Blackout Leads to 28 Hours of Excruciating Family Time
Mark, 13, son of Ron and Margaret Conway, described the experience of extended exposure to his family as "pure torture." "I had no Vice City, no Doom, and no Diablo for a whole night," remembered Mark. "But after I had some time alone with my family without any of my usual distractions, I realized that no matter how tough life gets, beating computer animated hookers to death with a baseball bat will always be freakin' sweet."
At first, the Conways coped with their situation well, bar-b-queing all the meat in their refrigerator and listening to a battery-powered radio. By nightfall however, the family began to grow restless. Seeking relief from the heat, they retreated to the family basement and settled their fears by playing Monopoly for two-and-a-half hours. Game play proved a harrowing ordeal due to a combination of family patriarch Ron's "obnoxious macho competitiveness" and daughter Erica's "general bitchiness." Daughter Erica, 17, commented on her experience: "I was like, 'I don't want to play, I'll just read my Marie Claire.' But Mom was all like, 'This is family time,' and Dad was being all sarcastic and patronizing. He was like, 'You're the only one who poses a threat to my undefeated record.' Ugh, laugh it up, you pitiful excuse for a breadwinner." After deliberation, in the interest of getting her parents to just shut up, Erica agreed to play freakin' Monopoly, at which point she was instructed to watch her language, young lady.
Upon waking up on the 15th, the family discovered their power was still out and their hellish odyssey was far from over. "When we realized the water was out, I decided that was it, and I told everyone get in the car," recalls Ron. The Conways piled into the family Jimmy and headed north in search of gas, ice, batteries, and air conditioning. After driving for over an hour, with the kids squabbling all the way, the family stopped at a Flint-area Wendy's for lunch. The fast food restaurant proved to be an imperfect oasis; while the Conways appreciated the working bathrooms, they were disappointed by the lack of ice and limited soft drink selection. "They only had warm Orange Slice, eww," said Erica.
The family stopped at a local Meijer to purchase bottled water and flashlight batteries. The trip turned sour when the Conways were forced to wait in line for 25 minutes. In addition, Margaret's veto of her son's intended purchase of a novelty t-shirt reading "FBI: Federal Booty Inspector" led to a period of intense sulking and brooding from the boy. "I wouldn't have worn it to school," said Mark. "Just to my day job, where I work as a Federal Booty Inspector."
The family returned to their Troy residence where they scattered to different corners of the house. Around 8:30, twenty-eight hours after losing power, the electricity was restored. The Conways celebrated by convening in the den and watching Bringing Down the House on Pay-Per-View in complete silence.
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