Yankees To Play Football, Boston Drunk, Again
"We consider it our duty to the people of New York," said a toga wearing Steinbrenner, "and to people everywhere to make sure that Boston never wins at anything ever again as long as I, Lord Emperor, roam the Earth." Steinbrenner was quick to point out that by Boston he was referring to the city, not the "kick-ass band."
Although details are yet to be announced, it is believed the Yankees will replace the New York Giants next season. Sources tell us that Don Zimmer will be the head coach and Drew Henson will play quarterback, further establishing himself as the most hyped man to do absolutely nothing since Howard Dean.
"I think that my eight games at Michigan prove I can play quarterback," said Henson, "just like that quote proves I am a total head case and jackass and that I can lie without even cracking a smile, kind of like Martha Stewart."
The city of Boston had no immediate response to the news that their arch-nemesis was going to play football, other than to say: "You callin' me retawded? No, you ahhhhh!"
Upon the end of Boston's three day drunken stupor/hangover, Boston poster boy/spokesperson Matt Damon was reached for comment.
"Just leave it to those Yankee bastahds to ruin my night," said Damon, "I've been waitin' 25 gawd damn yeers to make sweet gay monkey love to Ben; this news is worse than the fuhckin' Bashton Massacah."
Although no injuries, other than to Ben Affleck's rectum, have been reported as a result of post-Super Bowl shenanigans, the city of Boston has been left in a state of rubble comparable to Hiroshima, with a hint of Baghdad. The news of the Yankees joining the NFL will not be taken well.
"This town prides itself on four things," said Boston mayor Thomas Menino, "One, the Boston Tea Party, two, Boston Tea Party reenactments, three, binge drinking that would put Robert Downey Jr. to shame, and four, repeat steps one through three, make you fall in love with me..."
Brian McKnight could not be reached for comment.
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