Letters to the Editor
All of the following letters are real. If you see your letter printed here and would like a bumper sticker, please stop by the UAC office and pick one up. Have something you want to say or ask? Email us at threeweeks.letters@umich.edu.
From: Matt Haack
Subject:Give me free shit please!
First of all I just wanted to comment on the overall quality of the E3W. I believe it has declined over the years. What happened to you guys?? It seems like just yesterday I was reading classic headlines like: �Cantor Sues Lettuce, Diet Coke� and �Michigamua Office To Be Converted Into �Big Chief Win-Um� Casino�. Now I have to settle for sub-par material like: �Janet Jackson�s Breast Wins Michigan Primary� and �U Pres Vows to Improve Undergraduate Education, Capture Leprechaun�. Hopefully you�ll bounce back soon with some great shit.
Also, I wanted to prove to everyone that I am a big dork by pointing out an error in your last issue. In the spring break article you mention students visiting Incan ruins while vacationing in Cancun. Unless those students got on a flight to South America, they probably actually visited Mayan or Aztec ruins.
-matt
We are sincerely sorry to hear that you didn�t like two articles within the past two and a half years. In the future, we promise to recycle old articles with minor changes instead of writing new material. Look for �Cantor Sues Lettuce, Diet Pepsi� and �Michiguamua Office To Be Converted Into Hey Nobody Cares Where The Fuck The Incans Are From, They�re Dead, You Jizzpope� in our upcoming issue.
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 2004
From: Scott Gibson
<MHSWSDG@omh.state.ny.us>
Subject: kudos
enjoy your rag boys and girls...keep it comming.SDG
IMPORTANT NOTICE: This e-mail is meant only for the use of the intended recipient. It may contain confidential information which is legally privileged or otherwise protected by law. If you received this e-mail in error or from someone who was not authorized to send it to you, you are strictly prohibited from reviewing, using, disseminating, distributing or copying the e-mail. PLEASE NOTIFY US IMMEDIATELY OF THE ERROR BY RETURN E-MAIL AND DELETE THIS MESSAGE FROM YOUR SYSTEM. Thank you for your cooperation.
Date: Tue, 30 Mar 2004
From: <pedro_pancho@yahoo.com.jp>
Subject:About AvantGo edition
Is AvantGo edition still updated regularly? I think I can still read October 2003 issue of every three weekly on my Clie.
We�re transitioning web people and the AvantGo section will be back soon, hopefully next month. Until then, it doesn�t matter what I write because you can�t fucking read it, you sorry sucker. I don�t know what a �Clie� is, but if it�s anything like a �Pli�,� then you and your whole ballet-loving family can go back to Spainmark, Poncho
Date: Sat, 3 Apr 2004
From: �Blue: Go Green!� < bluegogreen@yahoo.com >
Subject: lazy journalism in March issue
As a satire paper, so a certain degree of lazy journalism is expected of you (e.g. not researching whether �West Plainsboro High� exists [�Fat Girl Taken To Prom�]).
But to attribute a �Mrs. Kucinich� to the one bachelor presidential candidate--to the one who actually was the object of a �find-a-date-for-the-future-president� contest? That�s just pitiful.
Well-researched and funny are not mutually exclusive.
Thank you very much.
First of all, the preferred acronym is E3W. Nice work with the research there, buddy. Second of all, while well-researched and funny need not be mutually exclusive, we here at the E3W pride ourselves on being lazy as all hell and doing little to no research, except in the field of being lazy as hell, where we have pioneered such scientific breakthroughs as �naming everything �West Plainsboro High�� and �smoking drugs.�
Back