Where the Big Titty Bitches At?

An Open Letter By Leonard Sullivan, Dean of Admissions, School of Engineering

I don't see you, baby. I don't see you in the media union at 3 AM. I don't see you in soil mechanics class. I miss you. I ain't even trying to have anymore of those flat-chested bitties and bi-focaled fat brandies. I need you here, with me, so that I might more effectively holla at you. I tried to let you in, judging only by your hot name. Tara Andrus. Lindsey McCormick. Summer Stevenson. And even though I don't have your pictures, I have hope. Hope that this year will be the year that the big titty bitches are welcomed into the school of Engineering with open arms and insatiable erections. It's been a long and lonely winter without you. My beautiful school is filled with Babylon 5 t-shirts and Asian men named Bill. Curses to you Bill, your halter-top and c-cup manboobs are not at all what I had in mind. Oddly arousing, but none-the-less wrong. You serve as a constant reminder to me, Bill, so that I might not forget the school's underlying mission statement: Where the big titty bitches at? Come to me, hotties, come to my pillow-fight play land of premier engineering education. I've made special classes for you. It was hard to push them through the curriculum board, but, at last, Liquefied Apparel Contest 201 awaits your arrival. I wait longingly and hope to see you soon, I'll be the one without pants.

Warmest Regards,

Leonard Sullivan

P.S. - I'll see you in Hell, Bill.

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