Letters to the Editor
From: jlr3@muw.eduSubject: thoughts of a previous article
I am not a student of U of M, I am a freshman Mississippi University for Women, but I was curious about the university and decided to do some research on the school. I have been a fan of Michigan for quite some time now, and was excited to get some details the campus. To my surprise I came across an article published in the newspaper by the title “Michael Phelps is a Choke Artist Who I Could Totally Beat Everything”. This article was obviously written by an ignorant person, totally deprived of being reared with manners. A person is completely entitled to have his or her own opinion, but to publish such crude remarks about a person they don't even know is ridiculous. I also find it appalling to think that the university allowed for this to happen. In my opinion, I think Phelps represented the U.S. with charm and dignity. No action his was selfish. To think that an ignorant ass would compare his lack of ambition (beer chugging talents) to someone who has dedicated themselves and talent represent our country is insane. Lets be a little realistic. Beer chugging will never be an Olympic event, sorry burst your bubble! To publically call someone a “cunt” is uncalled for. This article goes to show that assholes, like the writer of that article, have nothing better to do with their waste of a life then to tare down on people who have gone on to accomplish great things. I can just picture the bitterness that person holds inside, to think that someone else could do bigger and better things.
SHOCKING!! I do not know Michael Phelps personally, but as a swimmer I appreciate his TALENT, and the representation he made for the U.S. Next time you publish an article, try filtering such fulger language, and keep the ignorant opinions to a minimum (people don't like to read it) Keep up the great work Michael, your life obviously has more meaning than someone else's! I totally don't mean to be rude, just thought I needed to address the obvious! Thank you for your time!! Have a wonderful day!
Holy mother of God. You actually think we're a real paper. I'm speechless. So, let us respond in a different way: (insert picture of four staff members wearing "Go Fuck Yourself" t-shirts here)
From: David Kornfield
Subject: It's 4am and I'm bored
E3W,
In my three years at U of M, I have found your publication to be the best study break on campus (next to binge drinking and sorori-whores). But the aesthetic quality of the E3W has plummeted. What is with all the semi-nude pictures of men this year? The male stripper article, the article about Florida's ass-raping, and even Michael Phelps have all made appearances in your first two issues. Allow me to quote the September issue by asking, “Where the Big Titty Bitches At?” There was even that emotionally moving piece, “It's You, Michigan Gay Lumberjacks.” Are you trying to make a statement this year? Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, of course, but can't you cater your paper to the minority heterosexual male populous on campus as well as serve your ulterior motives?
Respectfully,
David Kornfield
But making homophobes uncomfortable IS our ulterior motive. Either that or we just like spending the University 's money to publish a paper that only serves to mock it and put pictures of cockrings on the front page.
From: Jeff
Subject: Michael Phelps
I will be outraged if I don't see a thank you letter from Michael Phelps in the next issue of the E3W. If it wasn't for you guys, his name would already be forgotten along with the rest of the olympians like that hot gymnist who made the other one cry. That was funny. Anyway, when is spandex going to go back in style? I have a whole wardrobe and no occasion to wear it.
- Jeff
Since when does a 9 A.M. P- Chem lecture not count as an “occasion”? Sadly, we have not as of yet received a letter from Mr. Phelps, which leads me to conclude that he is not only an embarrassment to the country, but also illiterate.
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