Letters to the Editor
From: jwmodz@umich.eduSubject: You guys rule!
Now that i got you to open the email, what i really mean is U guys suck!! no, just kidding, actually i’m an entering freshman who accidently walked through the Diag today because i didn’t check my e-mail to fi nd out that Festifall was going on(I had my internet connection disconnected for trying to download the entire Wonder Years soundtrack on Morpheus). On my way as far around the Anime club as i could get i happened on your booth with that newspaper you guys were handing out and i fi gured i’d look more refi ned walking past the sororities’ boothes with a newspaper in my hand. I quickly threw it away after, but when i got back to the dorm my roommate had a copy lying on the table and i had 10 minutes before dinner started so i picked it up. Needless to say i probably would have skipped dinner to read it page for page if they didn’t have cheesecake for dessert, but when i got back i fi nished it. It is the most amazing compilation of journalism i’ve had the privelege to read through the whole two weeks i’ve been here. That includes the Michigan Daily copy i used to soak up the beer i spilled at the Theta Xi frat party. No, seriously though, i just had to e-mail you to let you know that you are probably the most hilarious thing i’ve read on campus, or anywhere in my life. I never would have thought a publication like this could have been made without the dedication of a devout group of people who sit on their couches all day watching every rerun of The Daily Show, Family Guy, Neurotically Yours, and probably the entire adult swim line-up. So anyways, i just had to tell you: mad props on your newspaper thingy, it’s awesome...When does the next one come out?
Justin
Hearing that you have developed what appears to be near-fanatical devotion our “newspaper thingy” after reading only one issue gives me such a warm, fuzzy feeling that I’m considering going off of all my medication at once. The E3W has always prided itself on being the kind of high-quality publication that people are drawn to, then immediately throw away, then happen upon again and peruse out of sheer boredom. The fact that we’re not swimming in Pulitzers is astounding. Thank you for your letter and let me say, on behalf of the E3W staff, that your praise is meaningless if not accompanied by a substantial amount of cash and prizes. –Ed.
From: mwags@umich.edu
Subject: slainte
Hi, somehow I missed your table at Festifall. I was going to write for the Mich Daily before I realized it might kill my soul. Is the e3w taking on new staff this year?
maggie
You may not have seen the E3W table at Festifall because it wasn’t so much a “table” as it was Associate Editor Charley Crissman aimlessly wandering the Diag, poking people with a pointy stick while screaming the date of our mass meeting before running like hell. But if you weren’t lucky enough to get shivved by an editor, our mass meeting is on Sept. 28th, at 10:30PM in the Kuenzel room of the Union. And as far as the Daily destroying your soul goes, I also hear they frequently conduct unnecessary and inhuman animal testing on adorable kittens. –Ed.
From: jdmoses@umich.edu
Subject: The existence of intelligent life at U of M
Dear Ridiculous Genius:
I was needlessly searching the web for some information about some pointlessorganization or other, and I happened to stumble upon the little beacon of libelous journalism that is “ Every Three Weekly.” Since the most recent update I could fi nd was March 2005, I was wondering if the Weekly is still in operation. If so, I was wondering if there is a protocol for submitting trite and fraudulent articles, in hopes that they would be published.
Thanks,
Joe Moses
Thank you for your concern, (and excellent use of the word “libelous”). As far as I know, the E3W is still writing and printing issues. But, then again, how can we really know anything? I mean, I can see the issues, and touch the issues… but what does it mean to say that they exist? Maybe what I think is a newspaper, you see as a lawn chair. Do we even see the same colors? Life is an illusion and there is no God, (which, I suppose, means I don’t have to fi nish my Physics 112 reading tonight). -Ed.
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