News of Rainstorm Interrupts Coverage of Brutal Murder

BINGHAMTON, NY—Local news station WJXK interrupted its coverage of the slaying of 13-year old Wendy Willis for breaking news of a rain storm entering the immediate area of Dansville, MI last night.

The bulletin reported that the precipitation might be anywhere from “devastating” to “capable of whisking away small children”, interrupting the traditional news lineup of multiple brutal homicides, a story on the the high school sports team, and Krazy Kathy’s Health Tipz.

While not an entirely unorthodox move for the station, nightly news manager Robert Korven made the executive decision between running the bit on rain or on the news that Barack Obama had cemented his lead in superdelegates.

“You know, it really came down to stock footage, and we only have two kinds—murder and rain. Sometimes our [video] guys are good though and capture a murder in the rain,” said Korven.

“But since Obama neither falls from the sky nor owns an assault weapon, we really couldn’t fit him into the lineup.”

According to the report, the rain was advancing in a storm the magnitude of which the small town of Dansville had never experienced. As a testament to the importance of the water, it was bumped from being a casual weather report to the top story of the night.

“I actually am not upset that this little storm isn’t part of my weather report, because they’re letting me sit at the ‘big-boy’s’ anchor desk and offer my opinion,” joked nightly news meteorologist LeAnne Winters on air, to the the delight of her nearby colleagues.

Winters was politely encouraged to stop it by Buddy Bell, WJKX’s sports specialist, who followed the bit with an update on the eight-to-ten year old Parks & Rec girl’s basketball standings.

Unlike the barometer, which sources say was dropping at an alarming rate with the oncoming storm, the station audience grew during the twenty-five minute segment. Local viewer Ashley Baker was particularly passionate.

“Yeah, it was great to see the rain story. I was really hoping the rain would kill someone— now that would be news!” said Baker.

The news ended with lead anchor Thomas O’Hare displaying his remarkable, Baker College-educated wit, quipping that the weather outside would be good “if one were a duck.”

O’Hare was found slain later that day in an unrelated incident.

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