High-Stakes Game of Gay Chicken Results in Passionate Sex
ANN ARBOR – According to witnesses at the scene, LSA sophomores Chaz Stevens and Trent Pennington were playing FIFA 13 for Xbox 360 in their house when their knees gently brushed against each other, sparking an especially fierce game of gay chicken.
Upon realizing his leg had been lightly grazed, Stevens shouted, “What the fuck dude, what’re you, fucking gay?” Sources claim Pennington sarcastically retorted, “Yeah man, I’m totally a fucking homo.” The exchange quickly escalated, with Stevens leaning in towards Pennington’s face, eyes closed, blowing kisses facetiously. Not to be outdone, a witness noted that Pennington then grabbed Stevens, caressed his cheeks softly, and kissed him passionately on the lips, ironically moaning, “Oh, I’m totally into this gay shit.”
Stevens proceeded to undress Pennington, heatedly fondling his chest as more and more of it became exposed. Grasping Pennington’s firm, rounded buttocks, Stevens purportedly rolled his eyes and sardonically reiterated how much he wanted “to get queer with [Pennington].” He then began performing oral sex on Pennington, grabbing his partner’s phallus and giving it firm yet gentle strokes as he put his lips around the tip and began sucking on it fervently.
Witnesses report that Pennington then gripped Stevens’ hair and pumped his housemate’s head up and down furiously, while gasping “you do that so much better than a girl” in what bystanders described as “mock passion.”
The two promptly ripped off each other’s remaining clothing and delicately caressed one another’s entangled naked flesh. Stevens repeatedly bit Pennington on the neck, chest, and thigh, causing Pennington to gasp in a mixture of pain and what was probably fake pleasure. Pennington then began sensually massaging Stevens’ penis with his left hand before turning around and inserting his roommate’s erect phallus into his anus. At this time, Stevens reportedly panted “you’re so fucking hot” anywhere from four to eight times. Witnesses assured members of the press that he was clearly kidding at the time.
Pennington, groping Stevens in a passionate frenzy, started thrusting into his partner with furious determination, slapping him on the ass once every 15 seconds or so, according to witnesses. Eventually, Pennington’s thrusts became rhythmic and the two moaned with increasing intensity as tremors of sexual ecstasy reportedly rippled through their bodies. As they reached simultaneous sexual climax, Pennington allegedly grasped Stevens tightly around the midsection as Stevens clawed at the futon beneath him, his muscles tensing with euphoria. Sweat dripping down both of their faces, Stevens and Pennington collapsed into a heap before vehemently professing their love for one another, which, according to witnesses, was the most hilarious part.
“It was so goddamn funny. It’s hysterical that those guys pretend to be gay like that,” said housemate Aaron Chen. “And I love that they keep a bottle of anal lube around just for occasions like this.”
Witnesses claim the two cuddled for a solid twenty minutes before breaking out into laughter, joking that they “almost went a little too far that time.”
Originally published: December 2012