By: Chet Harris

Government’s out of control, and somebody’s got to take a stand. Who’s it gonna be? Me, that’s who. Big Government has its hands on everything these days: the banks, health care, the auto industry. I’ll tell you what they can’t have – my god-given Federal Highway System.

Government is just too damn big these days. Reaching out into every corner of the country like some sort of giant bureaucratic octopus. Well I’ll tell you what, it’s time to start cuttin’ off the tentacles – we can manage these 46,876 miles of asphalt just fine on our own, thank you very much.

We’re perfectly capable of regulating our own systems – every great American achievement has been accomplished without or in spite of government. The government didn’t write the Constitution – the founders did. They got another thing comin’ to ‘em if they think they need to monitor emerging terrorist training camps in Pakistan. Those Predator drones are doin’ fine on their own…wait, what were we talking about?

Do they honestly think they can come in here and start messing around with the way things have always been? If I see a pothole, I’ll fix it. This paternalistic attitude has got to go. It’s time we let people pick themselves, as well as decaying animal carcasses, up by the bootstraps.

And speed limits? Just more government regulation at its worst. Who’s to say how fast I can drive? The market, that’s who. If I flip my Impala doing 130, well I guess the guy who finds my mutilated torso 1500 yards away from the chassis will know to go a little slower through that tollbooth next time. It’s a self-correcting system.

As I sit here at the Woodrow Wilson Rest Station, I can’t help but think what our forefathers would have to say about the government trying to regulate interstate commerce. If they keep this shit up I’m going to have to start riding Amtrak to my job at the Hoover Dam.