Man Accepts Unpaid Internship as Boyfriend

After being turned down for several paid positions over the summer, LSA Junior Andrew Beltran has finally decided to accept an unpaid internship as “Boyfriend to Sophomore Kelly Hill”.

Beltran announced this important career decision via Facebook Thursday night to a slew of “likes”, and several comments inquiring about his new duties. Beltran confirmed that he would be responsible for basic internship duties including answering the phone and buying lunch, as well as more involved responsibilities, yet he admits he is still negotiating his contract.

“Sure, most of my work for Kelly will probably be boring stuff like getting her coffee, holding her purse, and pretending to like Scandal,” Beltran explained, “But hopefully she will let me have sex with her. Now that’s the kind of valuable experience that you can’t put a price tag on.”

Hill confirmed that Beltran was just one of many applicants who fought for the position, and it was his communication skills that made him a standout candidate.

“The first time I met with Andrew was during a KKG date party,” said Hill, “Not only was he able to relay back to me the important points of my SOC 312 midterm story, but he also nodded and said ‘aw’ at all the right times.”

Beltran said that he couldn’t be more excited about the opportunity going forward. The only doubt he seemed to express was if the post relationship recommendation letter will be as positive as promised.

Originally published Nov 2013

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