Marion Barry Makes Triumphant Return to D.C. Crack Scene
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – Years after his tenure as one of Washington D.C.’s most prominent crackheads was ended by several unfortunate incidents involving his election as mayor, Marion Barry has returned to the nation’s capital to once again make a go at crack addiction.
“I was in a dark place back then,” said Barry. “The things I’d do for money were disgusting. But that’s what it takes when you have a problem like I did,” he continued, slowly shaking his head and staring blankly at the ground. “Politics, man. Once it gets a grip, that’s a hard bitch to kick.”
Barry’s highly-regarded tenure as a D.C. smack addict spanned nearly three decades, but was frequently interrupted by scandals involving successful mayoral campaigns, often taking him off the streets for up to four years at a time. Supporters of Barry’s addiction were stunned by repeated revelations of his use of politics. “We never thought it would come to that,” said Barry’s former dealer, Slim Sherm. “You know what them cats have to do for campaign donations? Let’s just say I ain’t never seen no one suck so much dick for no rocks.”
In 1990, as part of an FBI sting operation, Barry was caught on video inside the D.C. Council building, wearing a suit and discussing economic development with several white people. The scandal rocked the D.C. drug world, which had come to know him as simply “Bones,” the tattered-rag-wearing, panhandling crackhead whose only known contact with the D.C. Council building was the time he defecated on the front steps.
Even with his politics-ridden past, however, Barry’s return to skid row is expected to be a success. A recent poll shows that while most D.C. citizens wouldn’t trust a former politician to watch their kids for a night or even with their dry cleaning, seeing them on the streets with an all-consuming, soul-destroying addiction would suit them just fine.
Originally published: September 2012