Orlando Magic to Become Lakers’ Developmental Team
BASKETBALL IRRELEVANCE — Less than three months after trading away Dwight Howard, the Orlando Magic are officially withdrawing from the NBA and joining the league’s developmental league, announced Magic General Manager Rob Hennigan.
“With this change,” said Hennigan, “we feel the team can finally move away from burden of ‘competition’ and ‘playing to win,’ and instead concentrate on what we do best: sending our top players to more talented teams.”
Orlando’s G.M. explained that the team hopes to become the Lakers’ private developmental team, citing the Magic’s long tradition, starting in the Shaquille O’Neal era, of drafting a superstar big-man, failing to build a solid team that complements his abilities, and inducing him to jump ship to Los Angeles as soon as possible.
“Hell, even the player nicknamed ‘Magic’ played for L.A.! Clearly that must tell you something,” chuckled Hennigan from behind the podium.
Apparently, the Lakers and Magic have already begun talks discussing which up-and-coming center Los Angeles might wish to acquire from Orlando in five to 10 years. Indiana University’s Cody Zeller and Pittsburgh’s Steven Adams have been mentioned repeatedly.
“Of course,” noted Lakers head coach Mike Brown, “when telling Orlando whom to draft for us, we need to take future team chemistry into account. We want someone who will mesh well with the new shooting guard we’ll eventually acquire from the Hornets, the next European-grizzly-man power forward we’ll get from Memphis, the elderly point guard we’ll steal from the Suns after a while, and the oddly-named psychiatric patient we’ll just kind of pick up off the street in a few years.”
As both sides hammer out the details of their arrangement, the Magic organization appears content with its new role in the basketball world.
“We’re proud of the way we rebuild year after year, only to dismantle everything after a few seasons,” Hennigan concluded. “In that way, I think we represent our home state well, especially during hurricane season.”
Originally published: November 2012