Girl Forced to Hide Cosmo Before Finding Out If She’s Good-Girl Hot or Bad-Girl Hot
BURSLEY – Before she could finish tallying up her A’s, B’s and C’s, LSA sophomore Lisa Bernstein was forced to hastily stuff her dog-eared issue of Cosmopolitan magazine under her seat in the Bursley dining hall. After answering a series of questions with painfully predictable answer choices, such as “What kind of underwear do you
Is It Weird If I’m Having Sexual Fantasies About My Car’s GPS System?
Honestly, I know it might seem strange that I’ve been fantasizing about the voice on my Toyota Corolla’s in-car navigation system, but there’s just something about that voice of hers that really turns me on. I mean, Claire – that’s her name, you see – she just has this incredibly sexy British accent. It’s like
Why I’m Voting for Mitt Romney
In the final days of August, my future as a hurricane looked bleak. The liberal media did their best to downplay my success – success that I worked hard to achieve. Ever since I was a little gust of wind growing up in Central America, I’ve been told that the United States, this golden land
It’s Not You, It’s Me (and My Homicidal Tendencies)
Look, I feel awful about what’s happening between us. Honestly, you didn’t do anything to deserve this. You were just walking through life minding your own business, then you somehow got all tangled up with me. Well, I guess tied up would be more accurate. Specifically, tied up in the back of my windowless van.
Icebreakers Point-Counterpoint
Point: Studies Show That Icebreakers Foster Energetic and Meaningful Discussion By ANTHROCUL 321.003 GSI The first day of section really sets the tone for the rest of the semester. In order to create a productive learning environment, research shows that it’s important to dispel any anxiety or discomfort and engage students in interacting freely from
Ethiopian Prime Minister Dies Before Being Killed in Bloody Coup
ADDIS ABABA – Meles Zenawi, Prime Minister of Ethiopia since 1995, died peacefully in his sleep Monday shortly before being brutally murdered by the Oromo Peoples’ Liberation Front, said provisional government officials. Following Zenawi’s death by natural causes, the OPLF proudly placed his head on a spike and then seized control of the Ethiopian government,
‘How to Not Kill Your Instructor’ Course Added to Afghan Police Training
KABUL – Following seven Coalition deaths at the hands of Afghan police trainees in August alone, instructors here are struggling with how to keep their own students from ruthlessly gunning them down in so-called “green-on-blue” attacks. “Part of the blame has to be laid on us,” said NATO Commander John Allen. “But we’ve got a
North Korea Successfully Launches Invisible Missile
FROM THE KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY – The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has successfully tested a Songun I invisible intercontinental ballistic missile, announced Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un in a statement earlier today. The missile, which evaded detection by the American imperialists and the occupying government in Seoul, orbited the Earth three times, reversed direction
Germany Announces ‘Final Solution’ to European Debt Crisis
WANNSEE, BERLIN – German Chancellor Angela Merkel this morning announced a comprehensive plan to end the ongoing European debt crisis, calling the program a “final solution” to a problem that has embroiled Europe for years. “For too long – too long I say! – the hard-working, industrious German master race has been held down by
David Schwimmer Wants to Remind You That He Got to Kiss Jennifer Aniston a Few Times
A DARK, LONELY ALLEYWAY, JUST OUTSIDE HOLLYWOOD – Former “actor” David Schwimmer, most “famous” for his role as Ross Geller on the television sitcom Friends, wants everybody to remember that he was allowed to repeatedly make out with Emmy-winning actress Jennifer Aniston during their fictional season-long romance. Schwimmer, who has apparently been out of work
