Pres. Coleman Asks to be Called Great Aunt Cheryl From Now On
President Mary Sue Coleman announced at a press conference on Wednesday that from now on she should be referred to by students and faculty as Great Aunt Cheryl, or informally, Aunt Cher.
“You know, it’s just a change that’s been long overdue,” said Great Aunt Cheryl while sifting through her closet of floral-patterned wool-knit sweaters with her cat Wilma cradled gently in her left arm. “I mean, I’ve always felt like a Great Aunt Cheryl on the inside – I’ve had wild urges to attend scrapbooking parties for as long as I can remember – but it’s not been until recently that I’ve had the courage to tell others.”
Those close to Cheryl felt the name change was the next logical step, given her cheaply-colored and -barbered hairstyle, frequent use of reading glasses, and excessive application of particularly pungent Macy’s-brand perfume.
President Great Aunt Cheryl stated that she will continue performing her administrative duties, but plans to devote more time to making oatmeal-raisin cookies, clipping funny newspaper articles to send to her dear friend Dharma, and writing illegible birthday cards for her nieces and nephews.
Originally published: December 2012