Report: Nothing Sadder Than the Tiny, Obligatory Hanukkah Aisle in the Middle of Meijer

hanukkah meijer

HOWELL, Mich. – Sources have confirmed that there is nothing more depressing than the 3’-by-2’ mini-aisle dedicated to the Jewish Festival of Lights nestled between row after row of Christmas items in Meijer store #1107.

The display, which boasts two menorahs, a yarmulke, a Rodney Dangerfield comedy album, and a plethora of “Happy Bar Mitzvah!” cards, all generously adorned with Stars of David, has been known to induce an overwhelming feeling of melancholy to all who see it.

Customers and passersby cited “the nearly-hidden location, stowed away like a sex toy you’re ashamed of owning” and “the pitiful fact that this was clearly put together by an out-of-touch gentile in a futile attempt at diversity” as the most common reasons for feelings of despondency after viewing the display.

“Jesus, we get it. Hanukkah’s not as widely celebrated as Christmas. Do they really think trying to sell the same Gore/Lieberman 2000 T-shirt year after year will make us feel less excluded?” asked Erika Feldt, one of Howell’s few remaining Jewish residents.

The ill effects of the Hanukkah aisle are not limited to any one specific demographic, however, as the reaction of Alan Slankard, a practicing Christian, made clear.

“It’s just heartbreaking. The Jews have already suffered enough,” Slankard said.

Ted Daughtry, the store manager responsible for the inclusion of the aisle, has disregarded the negative feedback.

“We know our consumers are a diverse group, and this display reflects that. Everyone knows real Christmas is important, but my goal is to show that, to a lesser extent, so is Jewish Christmas,” Daughtry said.

“Next year, we might even set up a shelf for that one holiday the blacks are always jiving about,” added Daughtry.

Originally Published: December 2012

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