Wendy’s Must be Using New Kind of Plastic in Their Straws, Reports Man Who Notices That Sort of Thing

According to Tampa, Florida resident Ron Davis, who is the type of person that tends to notice insignificant things like this, the local Wendy’s restaurant has begun using a new kind of plastic in their straws.

The red stripe is definitely narrower than before,” said Davis, a man who devotes brainpower to this type of thing. “And it feels bendier too. A little flimsy even, and not as robust between the fingers. It’s got to be because of budget cuts or something, I would guess that they’re making the straws thinner so they can save money on plastic.”

“Personally,” added Davis, “I’ve always been a bit of a wide straw purist when it comes to my Wendy’s meals. I’ll give this one a chance, but I wouldn’t get too excited. The soda will probably end up getting too watered down. I know I’ll be able to tell since I have an extra sensitive tongue.”

Wendy’s employee Mark Tanner corroborated this observation, saying, “It’s really amazing that a regular citizen could discover something so subtle. I’ve worked here for months and some of my own co-workers haven’t even noticed yet. This man must have a really sharp mind.”

Davis, who picks up on pointless minutiae like it’s his job, has also noticed that the intersection on which the Wendy’s is located has gotten a new stop sign, and that his chocolate Frosty has a slight fruity undertone. “Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to just design street signs for a living,” mused Davis over sips of Frosty.

After finishing his meal, Davis exited to the parking lot. A man who never fails to pick up on minor, inconsequential changes, Davis called attention to a recently formed pothole. “Good thing I saw that, I’ll definitely be careful backing out of here,” he said.

On his way home, Davis couldn’t help but point out the addition of a TGI Friday’s billboard. “Hmm,” he remarked, shortly before arriving home and hearing an unfamiliar bird call.

Despite his impeccable sense of detail, Davis has still failed to notice the affair his wife has been having for the past four months.

Originally Published Mar 2014.

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